Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
