No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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