1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
