When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
