it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
