my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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