he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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