I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
