my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
