So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
