tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
My dick has a subreddit
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
