I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
