i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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