she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
