Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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