he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
