Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
