so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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