I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
