"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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