If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
