my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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