If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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