What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
