My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
