My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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