My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He has the fingertips of a God
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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