So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
