Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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