If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
