i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
