before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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