i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
