So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
