Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
