Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
