Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
