member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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