Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
