OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
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