I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
