2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
