Can i not drive my cunt home
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
