Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
