i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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