what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
