also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
