I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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