do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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