we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
